Karma and The Marriage of Good and Evil

Okay. I was in the bathroom stall and someone dropped a 20 in the stall next to me. Once she opened the door I slid it into my stall and, of course, tucked it in my wallet. Now, many people might be thinking, Shame on you! But this comes back to my renewed perspective on "morality." I once gave a man 25 bucks plus a dream catcher worth about 20 just because he was drunk, a veteran, and I felt sorry for him. I knew he was going to blow the money on booze even though he professed to being hungry and homeless. I was in no position to judge. Suppose I "did the right thing" and told the stranger that she had dropped a 20. Her pleasure with me and God's pleasure with me would have heaped Heaven down on my head, right? Well, first of all, God never instructed me on what to do with found money and what do I owe this person? Who's to say this person didn't get the 20 the same way I did? Or who's to say I'm not helping fulfill her karmic debt for some other no-no she did and perhaps has not yet paid for? Who's to say this 20 wasn't my karmic reward for holding a door open for a person in a wheelchair for 20 minutes while she fumbled around with gizmos and gears last week at this same bathroom? I felt absolutely no guilt for taking the money and I do not expect what I spend it on to be cursed because my sense of right and wrong is personalized and intact. 

Furthermore, what's with this God is good thing? What is "good?" Flowers and harps? God is true, that's what He is. He is right, that's what he is. He is creator AND destroyer. The typical Christian view is that when we "destroy" our lives we are "sinning." Well, you need to die to be reborn, don't you? And you need to do this many times because life is a constant divorce and then marriage of the flesh and the spirit. You cannot deny either. You must let them work together. If they begin to fight, one must win, or both must truce. A one-sided coin is no good. God is dark and light. Murderer and giver of life. Seek the truth, not good or evil and "good" and "evil" will be at peace with one another.

Awareness + Desire = Change

There is a saying that those who know better but don't do better will suffer more consequences than those who don't know and therefore don't do.  I believe this is true.  It's challenging to do what you know should be done.  You often risk kicking up dust which can lead to more challenges than just keeping your mouth shut, feet planted, and letting the dust settle.  The more you know, the more responsibility you have to this knowledge.  It feels burdensome.  And it is.  But what's more burdensome is not doing what you know to do because then you'll suffer from this nagging internal voice and this dreadful feeling in your gut that you have let the world, other people, yourself, and God down.  Sheer awareness is not enough to motivate you to do.  Desire is the other needed ingredient.  How to harvest desire when it's really not there?  Think of the alternatives I've just described above (self-loathing, in short).  Doing what's best is rarely easy but can become easier with practice.  A favorite saying of mine, by Prince Sergei Volkonskiu, is "The difficult must become habit, habit easy, and the easy beautiful."  I have tried to revolve my life around this saying, failing many times to do so, but over time, I am definitely getting better. As the saying says, it's definitely getting easier. Now, as soon as I am aware of something that needs to be changed, I know it will be changed because I automatically desire now to do what I am aware needs to be done.  It's miserable to do what's necessary without the desire to.  Suffering comes this way from not appreciating, even if you know, its benefit. It is a gentle joy though to do what is both necessary and (therefore) desired by you.  Change happens quickly this way.