Thursday, March 29, 2012

Ghost Shell (on Addiction)

Does it ever really leave?  Do we cast off our addiction and say, Ahaha I've won?  I no longer want you, thing.  I no longer need you, thing!  Or are there nail marks in the thing we let go of?  Do we hang on to it until blood leaks from our nail beds and we finally decide we will wash our hands? 

There is an empty flask in my back pocket.  On weak days I want to fill it so I can drain it again.  On strong days I think of it as my abandoned child hungry and helpless without me.  I have succeeded in the typical view of overcoming addiction.  But I'm not sure if we ever really succeed or fail.  I think we just are.  I think we just do things.  And if what we're doing isn't making us happy anymore, it's natural to change.  And sometimes the happy thing becomes a sad thing, or makes sad things, and then you have to let a good friend go whose ghost shell will echo ocean sounds against the walls of your heart.