Sunday, April 1, 2012

Meditation on the Self

What is the self?  Is it only ever what we think of it?  Is it transient?  Ever changing?  Or is it fixed, a true point we must discover?  Is it the one answer to a myriad of questions?  Or is it the one question that has a myriad of answers?

I am finding myself caring less, and less, and less about what others think of me.  Is this a point of danger?  Or is this total emancipation?  Would you call me selfish for this?  Or selfless?  Which way could it go?  So I don't emerge from my apartment in a week weighed down with depression, feeling absolutely no responsibility to my family, boyfriend, or friends?  Or so I soar over resistance effortlessly and achieve my wildest (positive) dreams?  The more I understand about "reality," the less rigid it gets.

I struggle with boundaries.  Boundaries have always been foreign to me.  I have approached them cautiously, staring at them with no previous assumptions, wondering.  Why are they there?  How do you learn them?  What keeps some people from standing too close to ledges does not keep me from galloping up to the edge and pretending I am about to jump off to get one of my friends to laugh (or clutch his heart and gasp).  Is it boundaries that define the self?  Knowing how far to go, how close to stay back?  Are boundaries ways to reach the self?  Ways to safely come to the knowing?  Or are boundaries completely unrelated to the self and am I slipping into a tangent?  

1 comment:

  1. Interesting thought-provoking questions!

    I think boundaries do relate to the self. I have a sense of myself: my body, my thoughts being in my mind, and an intuitive feel of my soul as well. I find that exploring freely is safe when there are boundaries. Losing all boundaries might lead to instability. This has just been my experience that I don't want to impose on anyone else.

    As for losing sense of what people think of you, I think this sounds like a good thing. People we know can point us in the right directions at times, yet I must say that a lot of critical thoughts come from our own minds as to what we think someone MIGHT say about us or what someone might be thinking...again, just my experience.