Monday, November 19, 2012

Benefit of Being Ignored

Reframing #2

You can reframe anything. If you want to know what reframing is, read the previous blog, Reframing #1.

Psychologists agree that children who are ignored develop some quirky tendencies. They can be antisocial, highly anxious with seemingly ordinary activities. Because of this constant strain they can be moodier, harder to understand. It can be harder for these people to communicate. They are less likely to have friends, likely to have lower self esteem, develop addictions, and in some ways be a little immature.

But I believe everything is as it should be. The universe does not make mistakes. When it makes a person and puts that person in a certain environment, there are good reasons. There will be obstacles to overcome no matter what they are.

As a child who was largely ignored, I can tell you, there are definitely benefits. I learned to think my own way. I didn't have anyone telling me the way things were, teaching me my opinions and identity. When I travel, I don't miss anyone. I can easily adapt to my environment because I never identified myself with my environment. With all the space and silence, I was able to identify myself with myself. I listened for what the voice of God sounds like in the chest. I feel sorry for kids who are dependent on their family, who when we go on class trips are clutching their pillows, bleeding into the phone, and crying. They lose the bliss of adventure.

Psychology also says that these antisocial types are more driven to perform. Perhaps it's because they associate their worth in their actions. We all know it's good to love yourself regardless. But if you want something done and done right, these performance-driven people are where to look. They are not distracted. They are focused. They keep that space around them that they grew up in. I'd much rather be writing amazing work that others can benefit from than nursing still.

Be grateful for the way that you are. There is a very specific purpose for it. I am not discouraging healing by any means. But some things cannot be changed. Your conditioning is very hard to change, though you can change your habits. Most of the way that you are was formed by the time you were three. So try to take advantage of it. What unique perspective do you have to offer? How may you  be of service?


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